Finding Mary
by window-into-the-past
Summary: According to my count, there are 13 Mary Sue warning signs in this character description. Can you spot them all? Good Luck!
1. Chapter 1

According to my count, there are 13 Mary Sue warning signs in this character description. Can you spot them all? Good Luck!

-window-into-the-past

P.S. Let me know if you find more!

Name: Shinju Umi-suna

Age: 15

Height: 5'8"

Weight: 110

Cup Size: DD

State of Being: She's whole, not a Nobody or Heartless.

Appearance: Shinju has a body and face like a goddess. She has golden locks streaked with ebony, maple, and rose. Her eyes sparkle like sapphires. Her kissable lips are full and ruby colored. Her snow white skin glows softly like moon light. Her body is a perfect hour glass shape5, and she has a clothes collection to rival that of a mall.

Weapon: Keyblade, Kayoku no Umi, Song of Ocean

Summon: Seal, Yuriko

Personality: She is blunt, sarcastic, kind, sensitive, cocky, arrogant, friendly, and humorous.

Past: When her world was destroyed by the heartless, Marluxia rescued her. She is currently harboring a huge crush on him, but it's all in vain. He considers her only a friend, and he only loves Lexaeus. She is currently residing at The World That Never Was, helping the Organization gather hearts, because they felt sorry for her.


	2. Chapter 2

Name: Shinju Umi-suna1

Age: 15

Height: 5'8"2

Weight: 1102

Cup Size: DD3

State of Being: She's whole, not a Nobody or Heartless.

Appearance: Shinju has a body and face like a goddess. She has golden locks streaked with ebony, maple, and rose. Her eyes sparkle like sapphires. Her kissable lips are full and ruby colored. Her snow white skin glows softly like moon light.4 Her body is a perfect hour glass shape5, and she has a clothes collection to rival that of a mall. 6

Weapon: Keyblade7, Kayoku no Umi, Song of Ocean

Summon: Seal, Yuriko8

Personality: She is blunt, sarcastic, kind, sensitive, cocky, arrogant, friendly, and humorous.9

Past: When her world was destroyed by the heartless, Marluxia rescued her.10 She is currently harboring a huge crush on him, but it's all in vain. He considers her only a friend, 11 and he only loves Lexaeus.12 She is currently residing at The World That Never Was, helping the Organization gather hearts, because they felt sorry for her.13

1. The name here is tolerable, but a bit over thought. Pearl Ocean Sand? How many parents would think to make their child's name's meaning match their last name?

2. The height weight ratio here is way off. At the minimum, she'd need to weigh 126 pounds, at most, 167. Her ideal weight would be 146.

3. At her weight, a DD cup size would make her anorexic.

4. Clichés are used in this description. They'll make even the smartest person sound like an idiot.

5. Hour glass figures scream "I am a Mary Sue!".

6. A huge clothing collection makes her sound rich. Making an original character rich is often an excuse for why a character has anything they need for any given situation. This makes the writer appear less intelligent then they are.

7. Key blade wielders aren't commen. It's an overused weapon in Kingdom Hearts Fan fiction. To make your story more interesting, pick another weapon.

8. In Kingdom Hearts, summonses are Disney or Square-Enix characters. The seal must go.

9. Her personality clashes, so she couldn't even get along with herself.

10. Marluxia rescue a Somebody? Not likely. He is deceptive, vain, arrogant, and manipulative.

11. Marluxia befriend a Somebody? She'd be destroyed once she outlived her purpose, or killed if something she did would destroy their plan. My proof is how he ordered Axel to kill Vexen when Vexen decided to reveal his plans to Sora.

12. I don't think Marluxia and Lexeaus even met on screen. Lexeaus didn't like Marluxia's plan, and partook in Zexion's plans involving Riku. This pairing came from Clock shipping, which involves shipping the numbers directly across from each other. So, Zexion, number VI, and Larxene, number XII, would be together. So would Xibar, number II, and Axel, number VIII.

13. The Organization's goal was to discover the secrets of the heart so they could have one for themselves, not take in every stray that passes by. Also, "felt sorry for her"? They can't feel in the first place, thus their search.


End file.
